January 23, 2019
We made love with a violence and ferocity I had almost forgotten after so much sailing in the ship of the gentle blue silk sea. In that chaos of sheets and pillows, clasped in the living knot of desire, screwed into each other to the point of fainting, I felt I was twenty again, and happy to be holding in my arms this bold, swarthy woman who didn't fall apart when you got on top of her, a strong mare you could ride on without giving it a second thought, who didn't make your hands feel heavy, your voice hard, your feet gigantic, or your beard too scratchy, but someone like yourself, who could take a string of bad words in her ear and didn't need to be rocked with tender arguments or coaxed with flattery. Afterward, sleepy and happy, I rested awhile by her side, admiring the solid curve of her hips and the shudder of her snake.
Isabel Allende, "The House of the Spirits". This passage stuck with me from when I read it in college, but I couldn't find it in Google Books search - (I was trying to search for "horse" not "mare") and so I listened to the audiobook during holiday driving. (FWIW, the "gentle blue silk sea" is his estranged wife's extravagant bed covers, and "her snake" is a serpent tattoo on his lover Tránsito's abdomen.) An excellent book and its retelling of the atrocities in Chile when a fascist military dictatorship overthrew the democratically elected socialist president reminded me of the fears some of my Latinx activist allies live with.
January 22, 2019
I was on a quick grocery run yesterday when I ran into this in the produce section - on FB I posted this picture and asked "What is this Lovecraftian fruit?"

"Elder Thing Fruit", "Dagon fruit", and "Cthululemon" were all good answers but probably the most accurate was Jessica saying "its citron, also called buddha hand. really good complex citrus flavor."
Why can't we use Thoughts and Prayers to protect the border?

It's what we use to protect our schools.

Sigh. Egghead.io's "Learn React like your career depends on it." is certainly a bit of an earworm for me.
James Harvey pointed out Olivia James is killing it on Nancy:

Unfortunately Tom Brady is the QB Maroon 5 fans deserve
someone was making a software version of the #10yearchallenge, with the wayback machine I had a little amusement making a 20-year challenge for two of my websites.
them: follow your heart

your heart: smoke crack, eat little debbies, date coworker, shop online, retaliate, sulk, waste resources, be vague out of fear, look at phone at all times, mistake pity for love, assume everyone feels like you do, seek distinction, rage at generalities

when you have a bunch of white kids screaming 'build the wall' at indigenous folks it's very apparent that 'the wall' has nothing to do with border security, it's simply a monument to white supremacy
Calvin Stowell on "Students from Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky wearing #MAGA hats mocked an elder at the #IndigenousPeoplesMarch on the national mall."
Clarification: reports seem to be that there was a scene with those MAGA-wearing kids and some Black Israelites, with the drummer moving to intervene, with chants of the wall being earlier in the story. I think the smirking disrespect is still pretty clear tho. As is the concept that the wall is more of a symbol than a practical response.

It's possible to have action without emotion, just thinking. Spock was f***in' right as balls.
Melissa and I were talking about any silver linings of anxiety, like buying extra detergent ahead of time because you're worried you might run out...
She wanted me to record my response for posterity, after reminding her that in theory you can plan calmly ahead of time, and maybe that could have the side benefit of reducing the anxiety

Patriots/Rams Superbowl? Guess it's time to party like it's 2002.
trebek: late summer, nighttime, before the internet, giant trees ushering you home, bugs in the porch light

contestant: what was lost

rally before the Boston Women's March
A while back Kottke wrote on Jason Fried's "I've never had a goal". That's a stance that comes naturally to people with fixed mindset; even back in middle school I was pushing back mightily against my mom's proposal for me setting goals for grades, preferring to promise to put in a good effort and see where I ended up.

I mean, I know that's as much "failure avoidance" as anything positive, but still, interesting work gets done. I still have a lot to learn about leaning into those challenges that are intimidating me and challenging my ego about being wikkid smaht and triggering my fear in feeling incompetent, but I'm not sure "goals" is the answer.

What about you? Where does goal-setting fit in?
RIP Mary Oliver... admittedly I hadn't heard much of her stuff but she seems to be really important to a lot of people--

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